How to Separate from a Narcissist

Separating from a narcissist is usually a volatile process. It frequently involves a heightened sense of conflict, even if attempting to settle out of court. There are some strategies that we recommend that you can use to reduce conflict and finalise your separation in a cost effective and timely manner.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They tend to need and seek attention and may be generally unhappy when they’re not given the admiration that they believe they deserve. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.

Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder include:

• Having an unreasonably high sense of self-importance
• Requiring constant and excessive admiration
• Believing they are superior
• Expecting to be recognised as superior
• Being critical of people they feel are not important
• Taking advantage of others to get what they want
• Becoming impatient or angry when they don’t receive special treatment
• Reacting with rage and trying to belittle other people to make themselves appear superior
• Having difficulty managing their emotions and behaviour.

Family lawyers often deal with parties that exhibit at least some the above characteristics, even if a formal narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis isn’t present.

Here is a list of practical tips to consider when separating from a narcissist:

1. Engage in self-care:

It is likely that a narcissist will have made life very difficult for you. Make sure you take some time for yourself. Take the time to built up your energy, confidence and self-esteem. Consider tasks like journaling, meditation and therapy. Make taking care of yourself your number one priority.

2. Enlist your support network:

A narcissist is likely to take separation as a form of rejection. Their reaction may be unpredictable and escalate quickly, making them difficult to manage. Make sure you have support systems in place; people who you can turn to, family, friends and other support services such as counsellors, who you can readily call upon for assistance.  Remember, your safety is paramount. If you feel as though you are in danger, do not hesitate to call 000.

3. Protect your children from conflict:

Hostility between parents can be very difficult for children. Make sure you do your best to try and protect your children from as much conflict as possible. This means, managing conflict with your ex-partner out of ear shot of the children and not denigrating your ex-partner to, or, in ear shot of the children.

4. Document everything

Narcissists have a special way of misrepresenting the truth. During the process of separation, you may face misrepresentations, lies, or accusations. Protect yourself against their narrative with good documentation such as text messages, bank records, emails etc.  Keep a detailed chronology of events, including what has been happening in the family home. This can be particularly helpful when separating from a narcissist.

5. Focus on the bigger picture:

A narcissist is always right and always has to win. This will make achieving a negotiated outcome much more difficult. It could be a good strategy to allow the narcissist to feel as though they have ‘won’ on some points, just as long as you ensure that you’re achieving a favourable outcome overall. Keep the end goal in mind and pick your battles wisely.

The Family Law Team at Solari & Stock have extensive experience handling narcissists. We are adept at leveraging the family law process to secure a fair settlement for you while prioritising your emotional well-being.

If you are separating from a narcissist, professional assistance is recommended. The Family Law Team at Solari & Stock are available to provide you with support tailored to your specific needs. We offer guidance and, if necessary, can take legal action to protect your rights.

To contact our team call us on 8525 2700 or click here to request an appointment.

Article by Kirstin Attard
Image created in Canva